Pretext: Throughout this article I quote the words THE TRUTH because I do not know what the truth is. Even if I think I do. I just know what my experience is. I do know the truth can be terrifying, heartbreaking, almost unbelievable and very real for many persons and I am not down playing their suffering and trauma. I do deeply pray for the suffering to end.
Sharing big emotionally charged information about “out there” (for example, child abuse on all levels) to a large amount of people (strangers, acquaintances, friends and family members) on social media (and real life) has backlash on different levels. The obvious ones are people feeling attacked, triggered or believing it’s not true on some level and lashing back. A more less aware backlash is a person taking on the information as truth but it’s so overwhelming, exciting, unbelievable etc. that it further disconnects them from their bodies, surroundings, family and community.
“The truth” may make a person emotionally, spirituality or energetically “sick” or reactive for a while. It may create disconnection through chronic searching of new information, blame mentality, black and white/all or nothing thinking. It may create a strong cult like connection with strangers (online) who actually are harmful people themselves but because “they know” one may ignore other signs of abuse and disconnect.
“The truth” can consume a person so much that they lose sight of what is in front of them, such as their own needs, their children’s needs and especially on an emotional level. The stream of intense information may trigger one’s own trauma, releasing hormones that a person is so used to running on growing up, that one unknowingly may feel temporarily high from “knowing the truth” and trying to “wake up the world”. However this may really drain and hurt the body and keep a person disconnected from the reality around them.
It also further deepens the cycle of hero, victim and villain. Example: you find out “the truth” and are first the victim (“how could this happen? How could they do this to me/us/them?”), then the person may quickly act to be the hero by searching for more information and sharing it with others. Then they may become the villain by triggering people who feel attacked by the information and who may attack back and the cycle begins again.
When you really think about it, what a person is waking up to is a story, although it may or (may not) be fully true, it is OUT THERE in the world. If we look around us, in our homes, we may not see that exact truth and danger present.
How do we get out of this cycle of villain, savior and victim?
In one experience (and there may be many different experiences) of getting out of this cycle is getting super grounded and sometimes that is not pretty or fun. Sometimes the “truth out there” may be a catalyst for such disconnect that a person makes a huge “mistake” or not honors boundaries that they hit rock bottom and HAVE to deal with what’s really IN THEIR LIVES. The story OUT THERE left them tunneled visioned but now it has opened their eyes to what they are creating in their personal life and how it’s hurting themselves and others (Or they may still continue to ignore reality. It is a choice). If they chose to look at what they are really doing it is fertile soil for REAL change. This is solid ground for radical responsibility in one’s OWN LIFE with their own ancestral trauma and the conditioning based from and built upon that trauma.
The marco then becomes the micro and one may see how THEY have been ignored/abused as children, how they are ignoring their OWN needs/trauma, and how they are ignoring their own children’s needs/trauma. We can then start to first grieve that and feel our own anger and sadness towards our family and selves – in a way that’s not acting upon it but feeling it deeply over time (with loving support perhaps) to heal enough to truly connect with ourselves, God, our families and communities on a very real level. We can meet others and ourselves where we/they are. We don’t need to force anyone to change or “wake up”. Not everyone wants that. But everyone wants to be honored for their experience, perception and reality whether that be negative or positive, “true” or “false”. If folks aren’t asking for your advice or opinion of reality you may just be further disconnecting yourself from others and it’s not truly helpful. But maybe you DO need to disconnect from toxic people and that may also be helpful. You may begin to see that everything isn’t all or nothing. If you value someone who has different beliefs than you, you may be able to meet them where they are and have proper boundaries to continue the relationship.
But what about planting seeds you ask? Every person is so different. Saying something once may be enough to do something later down the road. Maybe not but it’s all about honoring folks boundaries. That’s what adult behavior is. Children push boundaries organically to see where they are in the world and to release stress through their body by crying and raging, in hopes with a loving parent or adult, to feel safe and secure. If a child was punished, shamed or ignored for trying to establish boundaries and releasing stress they will continue that cycle of trying to create or ignore that through dysfunction as adults. Examples are addiction (ignoring and abusing self), toxic relationships that play out the child/parent patterns, or playing the savior so the person may not have to look at their own problems just to name a few.
But my question is, do you think healing your own ancestral trauma and connecting with your children (if you have them) will help “out there”? Do you feel it matters in that way? Do you know how powerful you are? Of course there’s not certainty but there are ripple effects and we can only help others heal to the extent that we do. Would you agree with that? What if saving the children also meant saving (healing) your inner child?
So are we really waking up when we find out “the truth”? Or are we just waking up into another dream until we actually wake up to what is TRULY and DIRECTLY in us and around us?
The Present Parent 